30 days ago, today; my world as I knew it forever changed.
The one constant in my life for all 41 years was called to eternal rest.
Here’s the back story. My Father was my best friend. We were the “poster” Father-Daughter relationship. I don’t say this to brag or boast, but simply to reflect on the words of comfort given to me over the past 30 days.
“Your Dad was the Father I never had”.
“We all wished we had a relationship with our Dad like you had”.
“You were bless to have such a great father experience, very few experience that in life.”
The relationship we shared was priceless. Our theme saying was “we all we got”.
I am blessed with an amazing support system of family and friends, but nothing will ever compare to the relationship I had with my Father. It is very difficult to put into words.
As an only child, of divorced parents, I have never felt a void. I have never “been raised by a single mother”. My Father was never absent or missing or lost. He was always around through my childhood and became my leading man as I became an adult. I don’t doubt that I disappointed him along the way, but you would never know it. I, however, could communicate with my Father, without using words.
I knew what he was feeling, thinking and ultimately going to do, most times before he even knew.
I knew that when he was told he needed to have surgery, he did not think he would make it through.
I knew that he was concerned that if he did make it through, he would not be the same person and would not want to be bedridden or a burden to anyone.
I knew that he had just celebrated his 69 birthday and he was depressed that the next one would be 70.
I knew that despite his Faith in God, he was afraid of dying.
I knew on October 20, that my Father was in conversation with God. I knew he was battling his human side as God was calling him home. I knew he didn’t want to leave me and he pushed through for 2 more days, not for himself, but to satisfy me. I knew when I left his hospital room on the night of October 21st that he would transition that night. These are all things I did not communicate to anyone along the way. These were things I didn’t want to say out loud. These were precious talks between him and I.
When my Father was in Cardiovascular Shock, the Doctor’s said he couldn’t hear me. I knew that was not true. I told him that day that I was going to be just fine and that he should take his rest. His works on this earth were true, wide, and magnificent and I would see him on the other side. I meant those words, and 6 hours later he took his last breath.
I believe my last conversation with my Father was the most defining of our relationship. You see, he was holding on to “Life” and his love for me in such a painful way. It was as if he needed me to tell him I would be ok before he could rest. And so, I did.
Folks have reached out to me in admiration of my strength through this process. I will say, I too, am in amazement at how God continues to build me up . I continue to pull strength from my Father. He carried a very heavy load for most of his life, but he sure did carry it well. I want to do the same. I will spend the rest of my days trying to navigate through life the way he did.
Live well. Do Good and Love beyond (and through) your circumstances. This is how I define my Father’s character. This is how he lived, and this is how he died.
Thank you to each and every person who continues to pray for me. This is undoubtedly the most difficult thing I have ever had to experience in my life. I give God all of the honor and praise for sustaining me today and forever.
I am taking time to honor my feelings and reflect on countless memories of my wonderful, loving, caring, funny, protective, amazing Father.
Happy Holidays & Thank you.